Rule Number 59: Do Not Crash Into Hotels and Yell At Us!

At checkout time (11 a.m.), I always feel one of two emotions. The first emotion being that of relief as every checkout has departed happily and ready to recommend us. The second emotion and most common is that of despair as everything that could go wrong has. Those moments feel like a migraine and stroke have tag-teamed and done a pile driver on your pulsating ulcer.

Well, on this particular morning I felt great relief. Only one checkout remaining and everyone else left the hotel pleased. These moments need to be cherished in the biz.

However, as the last checkout strolled up to the office, I began to feel the compression of the migraine begin its tear. He looked pissed. His backwards baseball hat, ratty white shirt and prickly five-o’clock shadow only enhanced my impending anguish after I saw the glare in his eyes.

He walked in.

Dude: “Bro, you got insurance or what!” he snapped at me.

Me: “Sure we do, but I'm not really sure what you mean,” I replied. I really didn't and the befuddled look on my face revealed as much. Upon seeing his mouth reopen to complain about something, I felt the migraine begin looking for the stroke and the ulcer begin pounding in angst of being tag teamed.

Dude: “Well bro, last night my chick was driving my truck and your blue pole came out and caught my truck!” He pointed out of the front lobby windows from his white “truck-a-saurus” to a blue retaining pole that protected the building from cars that cut around the corner to quickly.

Me: “Hmm, that is an interesting way to phrase an insurance claim. Why don’t I come out and see which pole you mean? I’ll meet you outside.” As I walked outside my migraine, stroke and ulcer combo deflated. This jerk-off was about to show me if and how he had caused damage to my hotel in hopes that I would pay for his truck. Ha. Priceless.

Dude: “That blue one, right there! You got insurance for that or what?,” he demanded.

Me: “Well, that pole is actually put in place specifically to block a car from hitting our building if they cut the corner,” I calmly, but with a growing smirk, told the guy.

Dude: “So I’m just pissin’ and moanin’ right?” he yelled in an attempt to get some sort of response out of me. I said nothing and turned around. But if I had responded to his ridiculous question I would have said yes, you are just pissing and moaning. And, I have another grand revelation for you…You’re an idiot.

-Topher