Rule Number 5: False Imprisonement/Kidnapping Gets the Victim Discount

I have seen the fear. The "look," as it's called. You know, the baffled face a man makes when he's been ‘caught with another woman. Panic enters the male psyche as female intuition zeroes in on its kill. He may begin to conjure up frantically panicked lies and uncomfortable excuses to further the concealment of his unfaithful nature. Yes, I have definitely seen the aftermath of this fear come into the Sketch Hotel.

But it was no-where to found in my man Mister Greco.

On a lazy Tuesday afternoon the hotel sat relatively vacant when Greco casually strolled in with a sheepish grin and an agenda.

“Listen man,” he slyly began, “I’ve got kind of an, unusual, situation on hand.”

“What’s that?” I hesitantly replied

“Well I’ve only got 60 bucks to pay for a room, and I was wondering if you, my main man, could help me out.” His attempts at smoothing me over reminded me of my guido cousin at a dive bar hitting on 35-year old women. I wasn't buying. Not yet at least. It's generally worth it to hear the story before finalizing decisions at our front desk.

Because you never know when you get that-made my day-line.

“Well you see my woman found some of my texts,” he explained with a smirk. “Not just any texts, either. These were to my flirty friend.” Ok, so what, I thought. 60 bucks still ain’t gonna cut it. It’s gotta get better.

It did.

Apparently Ms. Greco does not subscribe to the Dr. Phil method of talking things out. After discovering his infidelity, she did not resort to yelling and screaming, but rather a form of revenge that would make Lorena Bobbit smile. She patiently instructed her husband down to the garage to retrieve some obscure item. His fate was then literally sealed. She pounded a nail through the door into the frame locking our unfaithful friend inside. After hours spent among gardening tools, flat sports balls and whatever else you would find inside a cheating man’s garage, Mr. Greco managed to make his great escape.

"I was trippin' out man. She went crazy! So I did what any man would...ESCAPE!" he screeched now half-laughing at his own story. "I had to break the handle on the side door to the alley 'cuz she put glue in the locks. Man, my neighbors probably thought I looked like O.J. or some shit after crawling outta there all suspicious and shit," he joked.

I could not help at least giggling at this heroic figure standing in front of me, battle worn and still able to smile. Well, let’s see I thought. What's our policy on kidnapping victim discounts- oh what the hell…

He gave me no choice. I checked him in. 20 bucks might have cut it after that crazy ass story. The guy earned it. While few men in history have escaped prisoner of war camps and jail, even fewer have escaped enraged spouses.

-Burt